In one month I'll be thirty. Wow... 30. Thir-ty. Chris turned the big Three-Oh just two weeks after Zeke was born, so he didn't get much fanfare. (Though my dad took him out to two movies that weekend and to Ted's Montana Grill - leave it to my daddoo to make up for me being too tired and distracted to be good at celebrating). Ever since then I've caught myself referring to myself as thirty, too... I guess I figured I was close enough and just started rounding up. Which is pretty ridiculous - I should be holding on to every last vestige of my 20s. I guess being a mother makes me feel older or something.
At any rate, as time passes I'm becoming more and more aware that I will soon be out of my 20s forever, and it's a little odd. I never thought of 30 as old; I have plenty of friends in their 30s and they don't seem old. I even had a few friends turn the big Four-Oh this past year. That doesn't seem old either ... for them. But for ME to be turning thirty, suddenly it seems much older than I expected it to.
So to commemorate, I plan to write a handful of navel-gazing, completely self-centered posts. Lucky you. (Hey, no one's forcing you to read them!) I only turn 30 once so I plan to enjoy it a little. I remember when I turned 26, it wasn't until I was turning 26 that I realized I had completely blown an entire year of pointing out that my dad was "twice my age," and that he would never again be twice my age... from now on I was gaining on him. He will still be 25 years older than me, but never again would he be "twice my age" or "more than twice my age." All that fun, wasted. I called him to lament that I had missed such a golden opportunity, but that was NOT the same as seizing said opportunity for the year.
Not so for 30! I will do things like think back to the big things that happened in my 20s, talk about where my parents were at 30, talk about previous birthday milestones, and make lists like my goals of things to do before I'm 40, places I want to visit in my 30s... I told you, self-centered navel gazing for the world to see. If I was really good, I would do this in the form of a countdown of the 30 days before I'm 30, with a post a day... but I've got a full-time job and an infant, so I am not that ambitious.
5 comments:
Ok I have lots of thoughts on this topic. I am 31 so I was there where you are a year ago. As you know I have the same degree as you and also graduated with highest honors. I thought I would do something interesting and creative and live in a big city and have 2.4 kids by now. I thought I would make something of myself. I have an ok job that isn't hard but there is NO WHERE to go in it, there is no up there is no promotion. After we write that check for $1450 every month I freak out and wonder why we do it all. I make eeeh money but I do have good benefits and free grad school. I always thought I would go to grad school for that same reason. It just seemed like the thing to do. I went for a year and HATED every moment of it, I seriously loathed it. Just because its an almost free degree doesn't mean it was the right one for me. (It is REALLY hard getting my family to understand it)
I have put my life on hold for the past 5 years. I haven't pursued another degree, I can't have kids yet, I didn't leave my job for a new one because it is dave's time. he is in school. (in his 5th year) he has a dream and knows what he wants to be so I am doing everything to make that happen. I don't resent or regret a moment but at the same time it kinda threw a big wrench in where i "thought" I would be right now.
When he is done in 2 years who knows what happens. He has to get licensed still then. Until then we are "stuck" in Boston. I don't see it as stuck but we are committed to being here until he graduates. (he will graduate with his bachelors and graduate at the same time)
10 years ago was actually the year I dropped out of journalism program halfway through because I was MISERABLE and terrible at it and moved over to EIM and I did so well in it but was never confident enough really work in it I guess and now I feel like I lost it all. The talent. But I am a work in progress I guess.
I miss you! You're one of those people I am so happy I met because you fill that perfect friend hole.
I hear ya, girl! 7 years of sacrificing your goals for someone else is hard. I thought after Chris's 3 years in school in Savannah that it would be "my turn" for school, so it was hard for me to rethink things when my turn didn't work out. Now I know the next part of my life will be about my kids, so rather than thinking of "my life" being put on hold, I have begun to rethink what "my life" looks like. This is it, it's not on hold, it's being played out daily. I'm just changing my priorities. It's kind of liberating, but... weird. And of course I'm still hoping that Chris is able to make headway in his career goals soon... that will give me a little more breathing room. It's also been good for me to realize that 30 isn't old and there is still plenty of room to "get where I want to end up."
I feel bad saying "put my life on hold" That isn't what I feel exactly.
I would like to amend that to...
"I have put having kids on hold" because that is what I really mean.
The hard part for us is it is way more likely than not our kid will be Celiac.... (dave, his mom, dad, sister....)
::Nods:: that makes sense.
I'm really worried about Zeke having food issues, Celiacs or otherwise. I read somewhere that some Celiac people are hypothesizing that if you wait to introduce gluten to babies when they're past a year old, they will have a better chance of not developing Celiac disease... something about giving the gut more time to mature. Because of that I'm SUPER specific about only breastfeeding until 6 months, and now being really slow to introduce new foods... I will wait until he's at LEAST a year old, maybe longer, before introducing most grains. The good news is that your family already knows how to cook for gluten sensitivities so it wouldn't be such a tough time. I have a friend who has three kids who can't eat wheat, and she's just educated them on what they can't eat. They seem to handle it pretty well.
that is a very good idea. I have read that as well. Dave's mom was dx 30 years ago. Then Dave 6 years ago and once he was sis and dad did gene test and both parents carried it. I don't carry any of the genes not even the questionable one. Either way we are sticking GF while pregnant (erm this is easier said in my head then in reality) and no gf for bebe. Our house is GF totally already. I have a few package foods I eat but usually only at work (pop tarts or cookies that sort of thing)
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